Family Pains

Not too long from now I will be bringing Soldier home! I am beyond excited and cannot wait until he is back home and can take over snow removal duties! No, I just want him home with me. I didn't think anything could bring me down until I got a call from his parents. They are planning on coming down for his graduation as well, which is great, that haven't been to anything of his. Not his basic or AIT gradution or his LDAC grad so I'm glad for him that they will be there. He's worked so hard so I'm glad he'll have a few more people there to congratulate him.
But....they want to make a big family vacation out of it and come down early and stay later. I'm not even coming down as early as they will be because K still has to be at training everyday until he graduates. He doesn't have free time to hang out. So I was a little disappointed that they were going to be there already when I get to see him for the first time in over a month. And I know Soldier wants to get home right away because it's been awhile since he's been home.
I make it a practice to NEVER complain or say anything negative about Soldier's family because they're basically nice and I don't have any problems with them, other than with things like this. And I don't want him put in the middle or feeling like he needs to pick sides. I know he's the baby and the last one to leave the nest, but sometimes I feel they cling a little too much and I'm not sure how to tell them we need some alone time together and that K has told me that the minute they are released we are jumping in the car to head home.

Last visit to FTL

I went to visit the soldier this past weekend down at his training post. He had the weekend off from training so I took the opportunity to take  along weekend from work and fly down to see him. It was amazing. After the fiasco that was our Christmas leave it was so great to reconnect and be able to spend some quality alone time together again.
I almost didn't make it back home and part of me was hoping I wouldn't! :). A huge storm was supposed to come through and the airline canceled my flight in preparation for that storm. The south really freaks out about snow because it was hardly even cloudy yet and my flight was already canceled. Anyway, the lovely airline got me a cab to take me to the airport I was connecting at free of charge (or I guess for no additional charge over my plane ticket). The cab driver almost didn't get me there on time though. I had a short window already and he made not one, not two, but three pit stops during the 2 hour drive to the airport. Fortunately my flight there was delayed so I ended up making it out of there. Of course, I wouldn't have been disappointed if I had to spend another day with Soldier. O well, next time I fly down there will be for his graduation and to bring him back home!

O, and I can't forget one more thing Go Pack Go!

In Case I Forget

I was recently out to dinner with a friend and some of her co-workers. Her co-workers were very nice ladies, but one of them brought a very not nice boyfriend. He was loud, beligerant, rude, and embarassing. He spoke very loudly, cussed often and used inappropriate language. I'm normally a peaceful gal and just go with the flow, but if I didn't think he would cause a scene, I would have said something to him. It was quite awkward and I was glad I was at the other end of a very long table. It was so embarassing that my friend and I made an excuse and ordered our food to go with the check saying she had a team meeting to go to that night.

His behavior just reminded me how lucky I am to have Soldier in my life. Never in a million years would he behave that way. I was also glad for once that he wasn't there because he sure as hell would have told the boyfriend he was acting like a fool and to cut it out and be respectful. I immediately called K after I got home and left him a message just thanking him for being who he is. I know that my soldier isn't perfect, but he is amazing and in case I ever forget that, I will have this evening to remind me.

Dear Snow

 You surprised us with a nice new fresh blanket of white just before Christmas and Soldier loved it. He didn't have snow where he's at and was so excited to see you, but I ask that you not visit again before the new year. Soldier is home and it has been so nice to spend time with him ice fishing, skiing, sledding, shopping, visiting family, watching movies and drinking wine. I really don't want to spend his last day home shoveling. I know you wont hold this against me and I promise you can visit again next week.

Happy Anniversary

It was our 2nd anniversary a few days ago and I thought I would reflect back on what I've learned so far through our 2 years of marriage. 3 years of dating before that did prepare us for marriage, but I believe we'll always be changing, adapting and learning from each other.

What I learned after 1 year of marriage:

• Getting married young doesn’t mean a hard 1st year
• We got married at 22 and a lot of people said that our age would mean the first year would be a harder year than usual – it wasn’t, it actually was pretty easy and stress free. No kids, no money woes, no family emergencies, no deployment.
• Communication is key
• See the bullet point below
• I learned to talk about things that bother/upset me instead of holding it in
• I am Queen of "It’s fine". But I learned to talk about it and ask for help instead of trying to do it all on my own.
• Marriage does change the relationship – even if you’ve been living together already
• But for the better. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and I can’t explain exactly how it changed, but it did.
• Vacations are important
• It’s important to get away from work, school (at this time), and just spend time with the 2 of you exploring new places.
• Rely on each other to cover your own weaknesses
• I’m an organizer, he’s a planner, together we get a lot done!
• Football really can be interesting to watch
• You still need girls night/guys night
• It’s important to keep a social life and existence outside your marriage. Not that one is excluded from the other, but you need to find a balance to stay grounded. And honestly, do any of you have a husband that will was SATC reruns.
• I loved him more after one year of marriage than the day we got married. 

What I learned after 2 years of marriage:

• The second year can be harder than the 1st
• We had a very easy first year. We didn’t have any of the usual stressors that trip people up during their first year, no kids, no debt, both had jobs…The second year brought some stressors.
• Unemployment is a huge stressor
• Soldier graduated from college this year and along with graduation went his paycheck, he was unemployed for about a month and it was the most stressful month. I know now that I didn’t need to stress. We were smart, we have several savings accounts. One for big picture (house down payment), one for fun (vacations and toys) and one for emergencies (6 months salary) so we were covered financially. I just tend to stress about money more than I should. Can you tell I’m the penny pincher and bookkeeper for our family :)
• Date nights need to happen regularly
• just like with vacations; after a busy, stressful workweek it’s important to take time for each other, undistracted by the tv or internet and reconnect. We didn’t do date nights as often in the first part of our 2nd year and found that we weren’t communicating as well. We went to regular date nights and now our communication is back on track.
• You still need to get dolled up for date nights
• Keep the spice in date night – need I say more?...
• Communication is key
• Notice a pattern here?!
• I don’t want to have kids yet
• Soldier does, I want more time just us, we’ve come to a compromise..
• Soldier eats his peanuts whole – shell and all
• Even when you think you know it all, he’ll find a way to surprise you.
• Absence can make the heart grow fonder
• Still need girls night/guys night
• He just can’t swoon over Eric from True Blood like my girl friends can
• I love him more now than 2 years ago.

Just Because

I came home from work today and found these lovelies sitting on my dinning room table. I love getting flowers just because and Soldier never disappoints!

Time

This morning I did some quick math and calendar checking and realized that K and I have now spent as much time together as we have apart. Amazing that after being together for 5 years it has taken this long for us to have spent equal amounts of time together as we have apart. Thank you Army! I haven’t told a “how we met” story so you should know that Soldier was already in the Army before we even met. We met in college after he started school after basic and AIT (which is actually a funny story that I’ll have to tell in full another time). K always knew he wanted to join the Army and was even in JROTC in high school, but wasn’t planning on actually joining the Army until after commissioning through ROTC in college. But after 9/11 and seeing so many soldiers leaving to fight he knew he wanted to serve his country and now was the time and he joined the Guard at the age of 18. I didn’t meet Soldier until he had returned from basic and AIT and was finishing up his first semester of college before deploying to Iraq. We were 19 at the time. Wow, looking back now we were so young! Now he’s been in the Army for 6.5 years and just 3.5 more to go on his current reenlistment. I'll enjoy the next two months that we will add to the time spent together column before K leaves again and we'll once again have spent more time apart than together.

Job Interview

K just interviewed for a job this morning.  He's working now in a temporary Army job and so needs a job to come back to when he gets home from training this Spring. I really hope he gets it. I know he will really like the work, even if it isn't his "dream job". And it will keep him satisfied until his "dream job" opens up. What K really wants to do is have another Army job somewhere close by - but there aren't many openings for his rank so we just have to wait until one comes along.


I also hope he gets this job for some more stability. I have a career and pull in a decent salary now, but I'm too nervous to buy a house on my salary alone because I work in the social service field and with the economy what it is, programs are losing funding. (That's a whole other post!) We've been saving up a lot of money and the only debt we have is his car payment and 2 semesters worth of college for me and we have a sizable amount for a down payment, just want to make sure that we'll still be living here in 5 years for the purchase to pay off.


There are many benefits to being a Guard member (even though the "weekend warrior" saying isn't so true anymore) and one of them is being able to have the best of both worlds. K is able to serve his country like he has always wanted to. We can stay in one place, near our families, if we choose to and I can establish myself in a career without having to worry about moving every 3 years or so. The flip side is that K needs to find his civilian career path as well, and the Army sometimes can challenge that. He has 5 months of training beginning this fall so it has hampered other company's willingness to hire someone that cant start until the spring.


I don't mean this to come off as sounding criticizing of the military, far from. I am very grateful for everything they have given and done for my soldier and me as well. We wouldn't be who we are today if it weren't for those experiences with the military and the challenges have only brought us closer together. Fingers crossed that this job works out!

Baffled

Yesterday’s post was pretty short and random so I’d like to go into a little more detail regarding the funeral for the soldier as there are still a few things bugging me.


First, I have to say the Patriot Guard riders who escorted his body home, stood guard outside the funeral, led the procession, and surrounded his burial did an amazing service and I’m always thankful and overcome when I see them traveling down the road, carrying the flag. I remember the very first time I saw them or even heard about them was when K returned home from his deployment and they escorted their buses all the way home from when they crossed into our state (some 400 miles). It was quite a site to see. Then I was overjoyed, this time it was heartbreaking.

Second, the chaplain from the 82nd said a very nice eulogy for the soldier and the pallbearers handled themselves and the soldier with respect and dignity. I know my friend was very touched by their careful consideration of her Soldier and his family. They took several moments to speak privately with each family member and my friend and she was very comforted by what they said.

Third, and the reason for the title of this post, was that I could not believe that the guests at the funeral were taking pictures. I understand that the news was there to film the funeral and burial, but actual family/friend guests were taking pictures. I can only assume that it is because this is a military funeral and they were photographing the soldiers. We don’t have an active post anywhere around here, so it’s still a novelty to see soldiers dressed up in Dress Blues or Class A’s. I just couldn’t understand why a guest would do this. Maybe I’m only thinking of one angle here, but I find it extremely disrespectful and upsetting. At one point when I heard the woman behind me’s camera turn on I turned around and gave her a “look.” Would you do this at any other funeral? I was so relieved when the pastor told a few guests to put their camera away during the chaplain’s eulogy.

Cherished Moments

Yesterdays constantly remind me how very blessed and lucky I am to be married to such a wonderful man. I must have done something very good in a previous life to have him in this one. K's been home for a week now and the weeks after a reunion always seem more special in a way. I think it's because we still remember the loneliness of separation and the day to day trappings of life haven't dulled us to that yet. The same thing happens the weeks before separation. As emotional as those weeks are, I am deeply grateful for them as they remind us not to take our todays for granted.

Last night I didn't get off work until midnight and when I came home I found a trail of candles leading to our bedroom which was filled with candles and Soldier boy waiting up for me with two glasses of wine (keep it PG folks!). He knew I'd had a long day since I'd started my first shift of the day at 7am so he had done all of this to help me relax and wind down. We stayed up for another hour or so just talking. I love when we have these nightly talks about our dreams and plans for the future and I know it's one of the things I miss most when he's gone.

I'm still deciding which phone to get but I'm leaning towards a blackberry. The one I'm looking at has Skype so it would make it much easier to talk to K when he's gone.